The Day I Deleted My Facebook App
My name is Nikki. And I have a problem.
Now, before you read any further understand something>>>
I am not here to condemn you for using/viewing/or loving your Facebook app.
This is about me. My problem with social media.
A problem I realized I had a while back, but chose to ignore. Why? Because I LOVE keeping up with all of my old friends, seeing everyone's adorable children, laughing at your throwback Thursdays, etc. I adore the simplicity of it all. How easy it is to get in touch with family and friends that live hundreds of miles away. I started blurring the line between Facebook messaging and text messaging a long time ago. They're the same thing, right? I mean I rely on them both to the same extent. I can't live without either one!
...or so I thought.
My "to do" list was growing. An actual, physical list of things I needed to do at home. Yes, I'm a full time teacher, wife, mother, and a part time photographer...but I should have time for these things.
My "want to" list was growing. A mental list of things I felt like I should have time for. Simple things like, take more pictures of Lucas just playing around in his room, work on that photo book I've been putting off, clean out my dresser drawers!!!
Am I really that busy? No. The answer is no. The problem is time management.
And how did I get myself into this? I'm great with time management. I'm a teacher for goodness sakes!! It might as well be part of the job description ((my teacher friends know exactly what I'm saying)). Truth? I've always prided myself on how well I manage my classroom time. And my time at home for that matter. Until recently...
It wasn't like I had this sudden "ah ha" moment, realizing I spent waaaayyyy too much time scoping out Facebook. On the contrary, I have known for quite a while. But I made excuses for myself.
>It's ok that I wake up and check Facebook like the it's the morning newspaper, it's how I stay in the loop.
>Who cares if I sneak a quick peek at my newsfeed while I'm in line at the grocery store? It's not like the line is moving.
>So what if I take 15-20 minutes of "me" time to watch that Jimmy Fallon video that ALL my friends shared! Everyone else does it.
The list goes on. Yes, I woke up looking at Facebook. I found myself looking for my phone at any "slow" time of the day. When I came home from a long day of work, it's how I would unwind. I just needed a few minutes to see what was going on in "the world." My nightly routine was starting to include a last minute scan of my newsfeed...just in case I missed something the other 2,596 times I looked.
Then it hit me. I mean literally hit me. My phone, square in my face. How? My son.
My beautiful, precious gift from God. My Lucas.
Snuggled in nice and cozy between his daddy and me, we were watching some cartoons in our room before bedtime one night. Lucas was zoned into Toy Story. He's right between us, we're all here as a family... no big deal if I sit back and scan Facebook while he enjoys his cartoon, right?
WRONG> my child turned on me. He actually turned around and caught me RED handed. And his mother's temper came out of him. I do not condone hitting, and Lucas has never been one to hit anyway. But I must say, I'm quite proud of my son for the right hook he sent flying straight to my phone...knocking it into my face. Talk about a wake up call.
Yes, we addressed the hitting part with a small scolding...yadda yadda. He gets it. But the bigger point is that I GET IT.
I was not living in the moment with my little family. Who cares if I've seen Toy Story 200 times. I'm a mom, it's part of the gig. I thought he was too little to realize that I wasn't attentive to the movie. Boy was I wrong.
Which means I was wrong at the grocery store. Someone did care. Lucas>>sitting in the buggy watching me.
And it's not ok that I took 15-20 minutes of "me" time to watch the Jimmy Fallon video. Because that was after school, when I should have been on the floor building a Lego tower with my son. The son who I already have limited time with due to my full time job.
Checking Facebook in the morning? Yes, that's a problem too. For one, it's not even close to informative. I've completely lost touch with what's going on in the middle east. Thank you Facebook. Secondly, there's a real problem when I can't drag myself out of bed to get ready for a day of shaping young minds...but I can roll over to see my screen light up.
Truth? Lucas has always hated our phones. Even if we're text messaging one another... he tries to sneak up and snatch them. And who can blame him? The attention should be on him. Not my phone.
So, the day I deleted my Facebook App:
>my son stopped beating me ((kidding... sort of))
>my "to do" list didn't seem so difficult ((almost completed it ONE day))
>my "want to" list went from mental to reality
>I watched the ((actual)) news
>I built the most amazing Lego tower ever...and watched Lucas knock it down
>Lucas and I watched Toy Story ((the WHOLE thing))
>and the best part... I found that my life is actually much more interesting than the goings on of Facebook.
Did I delete my account? Of course not. Facebook isn't evil. I still want access to my friends and family. I have to share all my adorable pictures of Lucas with someone! Just in moderation. ;) Here's another truth: I've done this before. Deleted Facebook, I mean. What drew me back in? Well, I'm a photographer so you guessed it, pictures. It was so much easier to share my Iphone pictures with access to the app.
So why will it work this time? This time I'm praying. I told God all about it...how I get sucked in and lose all track of time. I told Him about the mother I want to be. I asked Him to open my eyes and help me enjoy the fun parts of social media, without allowing it to monopolize so much of my time. As always, He answered.
Seeing as how this is a photography blog and all, here are a few pictures I captured of Lucas on a lazy Sunday afternoon ((part of my "want to" list)). And I'd like to end by saying that I judge no one. That's not MY job. I took a long, hard look at myself and realized I wasted too much time on social media. Deleting the app was the right call for me. I've found my happy place with Facebook>>still connected, just not as often.
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